Sunday, September 11, 2011

Adultery (10 years into the 3rd Millennium)

Men are hardwired for infidelity, especially in cultures that prohibit polygamy.  I remembeer when Sheikh Ahmed Deedat was debating Jimmy Swaggert and commented that he admired Swaggert for his faithfulness to only one woman, his wife, and Swaggert bragged about his self restraint, implying Christianity's spiritual superiority in marriage.  But, Swaggert was exposed in a nasty cause celebre with a woman other than his wife within a year.
Today, men are tantalized from the time they get up (aroused subconsciously) until they go back to sleep, constantly stimulated by sex being sold to them by billboards, busty news anchorwomen and amply endowed pitch women for every legitimate and illegitimate need sold to him in what has become an inescapable mass media miasma.
If a man is merely intellectually, rationally, determined not to cheat, time, work, and his environment will compromise his willpower.
No, men are much more likely to be like Wilt Chamberlain(philanderers) than A.C. Green (chaste until marriage), morally.  With very few exceptions the criteria for masculine fidelity is his spiritual understanding.  If he does not have a mature committed understanding of his duty to Allah, he will, inevitably, break his vows to his woman.  
Men have been conditioned to sublimate their conscience, therefore feelings of regret are misunderstood.  How could something as gratifying as conquest be weakness when so many other men whom he admires would love to be able to have her?  The pangs of conscience make men even more angry and frustrated at their women and feel justified in scratching the itch in l'affair de coeures. It is a self perpetuating curse.
Unless men come from generations of fidelity  which are generally associated with strong religious traditions - Muslims, Jews, Catholics, etc., they are more likely to be promiscuous than pristine.  And, those who confess themself Muslim, Jew, Catholic, etc. who do not practice are equally susceptible.  
If a man wants to fulfill himself as a human being, traditionally, he has had the love and support of a mate and offspring, (at least 2 to replace himself and his wife) that he provided for and protected until death did them part.   Usually, as men age and their proximity to the Hereafter gives them more Spiritual Acuity, they realize that Adultery is a great and horrible sin for all the generations to come of people who are weakened by its insidious tradition/stain and, Islamically, it can be punishable by Death (by stoning).  Sharia, Islamic law, does not  regard Adulterers lightly like our American society.  It is a huge sin that you should do many many good deeds to try and blot out.  Adulterers can be punished like murderers. 
The passion that fuels Adultery is not defueled easily. The rational mind and the tongue may commit, but the animal instincts are usually stronger.
Therefore, to deprogram adultery one must have a deterrent stronger than anything material.   The person must become a Spiritual Being.  One must literally fear the Hell Fire.  And, you must study much to understand why you Believe; the benefits are here and to your Everlasting Soul.
By the time you have devolved into Adultery you have to be more committed than a drug addict to doing what you must do to get well.  You have to make Niyyah, strong intention, because you are going to be severely tested in your Faith and Resolve.  But , then, again you may not have  the Resolve.  You can make a lot of promises to your family and yourself as a mode d'assujettisement and then have your cake and eat it too...  until the next time.
Essentially, it's time to grow up.  The last stage of Human Development is the Spiritual Man/Woman.  Like the Mental Stage you must want it to attain it.  And, the more you study and practice like every other human being that had this earthly existence, the more you will understand and benefit.  But, you will no longer be naive about the residual effects of your sinful actions, and if you read Al Quran, it will deter you.  
That is one of the reasons Muslims say Marriage is over half of The Religion. Sexual Restraint is part of the Big Jihad.  The Continuous "Struggle" for your Soul. "Of the things permitted Divorce is most hated in the eyesight of Allah."  Divorce's effects are more often worse than death on children, and whole lineages.
We as Black men suffering for a lack of a truthful tradition in Marriage, must make a generational sacrifice as a strategy to survive and eventually thrive  in this zeitgeist that makes divorce fairseeming and relationships almost impossible.  We must Vow to never cheat and cheapen our Marriages,  if anything it will be the exception and not the rule.  It is so much more important than the physical or material traditions..  Adultery is the most common mortal blow to Marriage and, the Death Knell to Traditions that have been established for generations.  You and probably  generations with your "DNA will die ignorant to their Nature and unfulfilled.
True fulfillment comes when you know you managed to keep your lifetime commitment to your wife, your children, and most importantly to your God! Then, we can transcend sustained and soothed in the confidence that we have done what we were created for.

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